


Broken Hearts

by matimae



Category: Stargirl (TV 2020)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, I need Pat to adopt Rick asap, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Matt Harris' A+ Parenting, Survivors Guilt, Whump, Whumptober 2020, also bro;s this one was so therapeutic, sad though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:06:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27115129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/matimae/pseuds/matimae
Summary: Mourning a lost one. Grief. Survivors guilt.Things Rick Tyler had come to know in his everyday life.
Relationships: Pat Dugan & Rick Tyler, Rick Tyler & Wendi Tyler & Rex Tyler
Comments: 1
Kudos: 14
Collections: Whumptober 2020





	Broken Hearts

**Author's Note:**

> written for whumptober no.19 (grief, mourning a loved one, survivors guilt)

Rick Tyler looked at his unopened backpack that lay taunting him from his bedroom floor.

He had _so much homework to do_ before school on Monday- and yet he couldn't bring himself to even think about school.

He couldn't bring himself to do anything this weekend- he hadn't eaten, he hadn't showered, it's not like his uncle Matt noticed or even cared.

Today was the day he'd been dreading for a while. It marked the anniversary of his parent's death. And Rick didn't know why, but that always made the nightmares worse.

Rick sighed as he fell back into his bed. He wished that it would just open up and swallow him whole- then he wouldn't have to deal with anything. _Yeah, that'd be nice._ He fantasized, but Rick knew he wasn't going to just disappear- and neither were his problems.

He was stuck with them.

He tried scrolling through his phone, he'd never been much of a social media person but anything to distract his mind felt good.

It didn't last long.

Because in between the pictures of his classmates posting their non-consequential selfies and ramblings, he would see flashes of his mother's smile.

That hurt the most. Because it was getting blurry now.

And Rick was terrified of the day where he would wake up and not be able to picture it at all. Or _her_ at all.

A knot was forming in his throat, his blood beginning to boil over. _They shouldn't have died_! They shouldn't have left him with the piece of shit Matt. Rick should have been there with them…

He slammed his fist against his bed.

He had so much inside of him that he couldn't get out, that he didn't know how to.

Rick decided in a moment that he was going to the spot. He ended up there a lot. On worse weeks he'd go every day. Just to see their last place.

He knew it was 43° outside but he didn't care, he left with just his wrinkled t-shirt he hadn't washed in a week.

Rick just started walking. A small part of him was registering the cold as his fingers stiffened up, but he didn't have the will to care about himself or the cold right now.

A little voice in his mind told him he deserved to be cold.

His parents must've been awfully cold that night…

Rick knew the way by heart. It wasn't too long of a walk until he was on the gravel stretch.

The tree lay on its side from where he had punched it down with the hourglass.

How many times has he punched that tree over the years?

Now it was splintered and roots showing, and Rick hoped it would die. He knew that trees can't die- not like humans. But it was all he could do with his anger. If he didn't put it on the tree he'd have to put it on someone else.

But it wasn't really the tree that killed his parents, was it? It was the ISA. And Rick knew that. It just made it so much harder, not having something right in front of you to blame.

He sat down in the road and observed the loose gravel. 8 years ago, they were touching the same gravel. It would be the last thing they would touch.

Rick couldn't take it anymore- the spot wasn't helping, and he just felt like more pure shit than he did before he came.

He began to walk again, he couldn't feel his legs. Rick wasn't sure if that was because he was so out of it, or because judging by how red his hands were- it was getting colder. He didn't particularly care.

The cloud of grief enveloping him was greater than any physical sensation that he felt.

He continued to stumble his way through the woods, this time away from his house. There was nobody there for him at the house. His uncle only proved how little he cared for him just about every other week. But he was family. The only family Rick had left.

But he couldn't go home to him now, not when he was drunk off his ass- that only tended to lead to violent outbursts.

Rick wasn't going to subject himself to that today- no. So he walked aimlessly towards town. No real direction in mind.

_I could go see my friends, they'd probably get me out of my funk_...He thought to himself, as he entered into town, his feet carrying him to nowhere.

Crossing the road he caught the scent of something that smelled distinctively like pancakes. He froze in his tracks. The smell brought back an instant memory of his dad making breakfast for the whole family. He had forgotten that…

It was a fall morning and he was probably only 5, he could feel the sugary sweetness of the syrup stuck between his fingers. He remembered his parents laughing that he got the food more on the outside of his body than on the inside.

And at that moment everything was perfect.

Rick was ripped out of the memory by a string of beeps coming from behind him, he whipped his head around to see a red pickup barreling toward him.

_He was still standing in the middle of the street._

The truck was inches from Rick- the squeal of the brakes being slammed, lifted through the air.

Panic courses through his eyes as Rick made a split decision.

He leapt onto the hood of the pickup, no time to do anything else.

The truck was still skidding to a stop and Rick braced himself on top- gravity bringing him rolling off of it onto the hard pavement with a smack.

So- not entirely avoiding injuries then.

“Rick?”

Rick blinked and rolled onto his side, pushing himself into a sitting position so he could see who was calling his name.

Pat emerged from the driver's side door, face plastered in concern.

  
“Rick! Are you alright?” he asked, crouching down next to him.

He just shrugged.

“I’m sorry! I tried to stop, I didn’t see you until it was too late!” Pat said in despair.

“It’s okay…” Rick started, he didn’t blame Pat. He was the one standing in the road.

“You sure you’re alright? I can take you to the county hospital just in case-”

“I’m fine.”

Pat put up his hands. “Okay then! You need a ride somewhere? I can take you home-” Pat tried to offer again but Rick just violently shook his head.

“No. Just came from there.”

Pat looked at him for a moment. He could tell that something was up, he only wished the kid would talk to him.

“Okay. So where you headed?” he asked softly.

Rick began to pick himself up from the street, avoiding Pat’s gaze. “Nowhere.”

Pat nodded.

“Well, can ‘nowhere’ wait? How ‘bout you come with me to the garage? I got some new parts in that I’ve been meaning to show you.”

Rick didn’t know what to say. But Pat was nice, and the garage was probably warm, Matt wouldn’t be there, and it could be a good distraction. He was counting more pros than cons.

“I’ll tag along.”

Pat almost sighed in relief. He was worried about the kid. Anytime that he could make sure he was safe, was win in his books.

The two sat in silence on the way to Pat’s Garage, though it wasn’t particularly uncomfortable.

When they arrived Pat, true to his word, showed Rick some new car parts, and for just a brief moment, he was able to forget about what day it was.

Until something would remind him. Like the small dent that Pat was hammering out of his pickup from where Rick had jumped up on it.

And Rick couldn’t help but think about how dented their car must’ve been… he sat down. The memories were just too painful. Of his Mother and Father rushing and packing away their whole lives- giving him their last hug.

The picture of them driving away on that long stretch of road, leaving him behind, was something that was etched into his brain forever.

“Rick, you alright? You look a little pale there, bud. Probably ‘cause you were out in this weather in short sleeves,” Pat begins to chuckle until he sees the look on Rick’s face.

“Hey- hey there buddy, talk to me, what’s going on?” Pat says, taking a knee next to him.

Rick shakes his head.

“I shouldn’t be here.”

“At the Garage? I told you I can take you anywhere you need-” Pat started.

Rick’s head falls into his hands. “No, I mean I shouldn’t be _here_. I should’ve been with them. Why didn’t they take me with them?”

His voice was beginning to break. “It would have been better.”

“What would have been better?” Pat asked softly, voice riddled with concern and empathy.

“My life. Why am I still standing here? When they are gone? It shouldn’t have happened that way...” Rick’s whole body shakes as he dissolves into 8 years of pent up emotions.

Pat was beginning to realize that this was about Rick’s parents, and...how could he forget? It was just about this time of year when they passed.

“Rick, your parents wanted you to be safe, that’s why they didn’t take you.”

“It would have been better if they did. Then at least I’d be with them...” Rick trailed off, his voice barely above a whisper.

Oh, kid.

Pat took off his jacket and wrapped it over the teen, he was frozen to the touch.

How long had he been out without any sort of protection?

“I know it’s hard. They wanted better things for you in life than a sorry end.”

“A sorry end? At least there’s an _end_. Now I’m just in a sorry continuation. Every day just as ‘sorry’ as the last with a ‘sorry’ uncle and no ‘sorry’ parents,” Rick sighed.

“Rick I want to tell you some things. First off- nothing you feel is ever wrong. Grief is hard and messy and makes you feel things you might not know what even are, but it’s _always_ okay to feel the way you feel. Second off- _life gets better_. I know it doesn’t sound like it could be true, but it does. You know those moments when your friends make you smile, so authentically? Those will come, more and more too. Today may suck. Heck, today may be the worst day you have ever had, but tomorrow doesn’t have to be.”

Rick continued to stare at his hands through tear-stained eyes.

“And I know you don’t believe it, but _you do_ deserve to be here. _You do_ deserve a great life! Your parents gave you that chance. No matter what- you always deserve a place in this world, Rick Tyler.”

The teen swallowed and nodded. He may need to hear it a 1,000 more times before he truly believed it, but having someone believe in him for once was a welcome change of pace.

“Now, how ‘bout you come home with me for a nice home-cooked meal. And- it’s movie night! It’s Mike’s turn to pick, so probably Star Wars again.” Pat smiled gently. “You in?”

Rick didn’t even have to take a moment to consider. It was that or the leftover potato salad which was the only thing occupying the fridge space at home.

“If it’s really no bother,”

“Never!” a wide grin spread across Pat’s face. “And hey, keep the jacket. I got another in my truck.”

Rick would’ve protested but Pat wouldn’t allow it.

“Well, we better be headed back if I’m to start on dinner!” Pat exclaimed, happier than Rick would’ve guessed to have him over.

Feeling wanted was kinda new.

Kinda nice.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! <3


End file.
